you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
