Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
