I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
