He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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