i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
