I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How does one acquire holy water?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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