Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
