i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
