hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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