She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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