im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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