The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
