he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
