I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize