exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
