Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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