That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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