I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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