I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
