Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
