you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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