I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
