Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize