i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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