they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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