My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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