I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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