i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
