i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
