Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
