At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
