take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
MIDGETS
????
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
