Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
