so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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