I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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