the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i came on her dog
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am naked and annoyed.
I touched a dick in church today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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