Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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