D3 body, D1 cock
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
