did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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