your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
