Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
