I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize