I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
