Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
