It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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