I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
