That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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