Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
