The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
