Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
