I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
