Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize