Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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