Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
