My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
