you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
