i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
