Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
