I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
