Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
