i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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