Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
