mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
