I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
