my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yo dont text me then not text me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
