we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
