is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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