I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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