im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
