I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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