My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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