thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate all girls vehemently.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
