It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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