I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
