So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
