Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's great music for shaving your balls
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
