Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
