hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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