so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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