Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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