you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize