My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
