I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
