Her vagina should come with caution tape.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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