if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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