Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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