Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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