I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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