3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
