But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
