I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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