i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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