i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
