Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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