that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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