I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
